


Beware of the bard

by JoJoTheFiend



Category: Shrek (Movies), The Witcher (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Smut, I got emotional and-, I´m sorry to my friends, M/M, Movie: Shrek (2001), Other, Rare Pairings, This was supposed to become porn but it turned into...this, jaskier - Freeform, more fluff than anything else, who were given the link to this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:16:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29943684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoJoTheFiend/pseuds/JoJoTheFiend
Summary: In the ogre’s eyes, Jaskier looked like the most delicate flower but was more of a siren that lures its prey with its breathtaking appearance and its melodic voice.And the worst part was that Jaskier seemed fully aware of it.
Relationships: Jaskier | Dandelion/Shrek (Shrek)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 2





	Beware of the bard

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Jaskier fanart by spielzeugkaiser](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/773727) by https://spielzeugkaiser.tumblr.com/. 



Shrek didn´t know what to do with this human.  
There he was, again(!), standing at the border of Shrek´s territory, looking like a whole damn meal.  
The ogre grumbled.  
“I told you not to show up again.”

“I know.” Jaskier purred.

Shrek raised an eyebrow as Jaskier wrapped his legs tight around the warning sign.  
Jaskier grinned mischievously.

“I will warn you one last time, human. This land is not to be trespassed. Go, as long as you still have the chance to.”  
Shrek stepped closer and bent over. That was usually enough to keep most of the intruders away. The more courageous specimens, usually those who carried weapons and were crazy enough to aim at him, fled at the latest when Shrek broke the first knife or sword with his bare hand and uttered a marrow-shaking scream.  
Jaskier, however…

The man´s grin changed to an expression that could only be described as seductive.  
The faked innocence could not conceal the true intentions – not, that Jaskier seriously cared to try.  
He ignored Shrek's warning and instead let his jacket slide off his shoulders before leaning on the shield with Shrek's face on it.

“Oh no, I trespassed!  
What will you do to me now?”  
Jaskier brought a finger to his lips and slowly stroked the rosy skin, all while making very sure that the ogre was watching.

Shrek swallowed hard and narrowed his eyes. He hated how hot he was getting. He hated that he couldn't convince himself that it was happening out of sheer anger.  
“Go. Away.” he spitted out between clenched teeth.

Jaskier ignored him.  
“I’m such a naughty bard.”

Yes, Shrek thought, he most definitely was.  
In the ogre’s eyes, Jaskier looked like the most delicate flower but was more of a siren that lures its prey with its breathtaking appearance and its melodic voice.  
And the worst part was that Jaskier seemed fully aware of it.

“I could end you with one bite,” Shrek stated, in a weak attempt to shush Jaskier away.

The bard stayed unimpressed.  
He licked over his fingertip and smiled confidently.  
“Oh, I´m already getting stiff with fear. Hard, even.”

Shrek didn’t think it was possible, but Jaskier pressed even closer against the wooden sign.  
The eyes of the ogre followed as the bard let his hand wander over his body, towards his hips.  
Shit.  
Jaskier wasn´t lying. Very obviously not.

Shrek´s eyes widened as Jaskier placed his hand over his crotch and began to squeeze.  
Jaskier noticed and grinned. He was very pleased with himself.  
“So…” the bard continued.  
“Will you do it?”

“What?” Shrek blinked and forced himself to look up.

“Didn´t you say you could easily end me?” Jaskier asked.  
“With, what was it? One…bite.”

The last word was little more than a whisper, a low moan that made Shrek shiver.  
He could feel the heat rising in his body while he watched Jaskier slowly licking his lips.  
The bard was clearly mocking him and despite knowing that, Shrek was close to succumbing.

But he had to remind himself that humans always meant danger.  
Ogres learned that at a young age.  
There was no need to play with fire.  
He might be strong, but that didn´t mean he couldn´t get himself burned.

Shrek bit the inside of his cheek.  
He had to get out of this situation as soon as possible.  
“I have no intentions of hurting you, human.”

“My name is Jaskier.” the bard replied with a teasing smile.

“I don´t care about your name.”

“Why not?” Jaskier asked.  
“Because names make things more complicated?”

Shrek´s heart skipped a beat as Jaskier let go of the warning sign and came closer.  
The ogre took a step back and raised his hands in defense.  
“Don´t come any closer or I-”

“I know you won´t hurt me.”

“No”– Shrek gestured wildly –“but I could. And maybe I´ll have to, depending on what you´re going to do.”

Jaskier stopped and blinked.  
Then, his eyes widened as he began to understand.  
“You´re afraid of me.” 

“I´m not.”

“Yes, you are.” Jaskier sighed. “I mean, of course, you are. You’re just as afraid of humans as they are of you. And you probably have a lot more reason than they do.”

Shrek lowered his hands.  
Jaskier smiled at him sadly.  
“As they grow up they hear all those stories of monsters and creatures and they learn to fear most of them. And by the time they meet someone like you they are already so biased that all they feel is fear and aversion. They hate and hurt you for no reason and act based on false assumptions.”

For a moment, there was silence.  
Shrek didn´t know how to respond but he didn´t have to.  
Jaskier scratched the back of his neck and gave Shrek another smile. 

"I'm sorry, I really am. I might have interpreted too much into it. Because I don't think many other ogres would have given first aid to a bard with a sprained ankle. And after you didn't send me away on the last few visits, I thought”- Jaskier waved his arms in an attempt to find the right words, then gave up and just shrugged – “I don´t… I guess it doesn´t matter. Please take care of yourself, alright?”

Jaskier turned around to leave.  
He hadn’t gotten far when he heard Shrek chasing after him with big, fast steps.  
Jaskier tried to turn around but could only catch a flash of green before he was grabbed by his shoulders and pressed against a tree.  
He could feel the structure of the bark through his clothes.  
Jaskier blinked surprised. It took him a moment to realize that he had probably hit his head a little and that Shrek was holding him in place, by pressing his body against Jaskier’s.  
“Well, that was quite unexpected,” Jaskier stated. “Although not unwelcome.”

Shrek blushed.  
“Sorry. That was too harsh, wasn´t it?”

“Well, to be fair, you did warn me.” Jaskier joked.  
He placed a hand on the ogre´s cheek and winked.

Shrek laughed and leaned into the touch.  
“Maybe I was a little too hasty in my judgment.”

“Maybe, but´s understandable.”

Shrek drew in a long breath before he asked, “So…what now?”

“I don´t know.”Jaskier let go of Shrek´s cheek and placed his hand on the ogre´s chest.  
“It´s up to you. We could pick up at the point where I unsuccessfully tried to seduce you-“

“I wouldn´t say it was completely unsuccessful.” 

Jaskier grinned.  
“Good to know. Well, then I could continue seducing you. Or if you want to take things slow, we could go for a little walk and scare some wanderers to death.”

Shrek laughed and lifted Jaskier up.  
The bard squeaked in surprise as the ogre firmly squeezed his butt.

“Both. Both sounds good.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hello hello!  
> Thanks for reading “Beware of the bard”! I don’t know what to say – it just happened. :D  
> The work was inspired by a fanart my friend spielzeugkaiser made.  
> Go over to tumblr and say "hi" if you like! 
> 
> Small note: English is not my native language and this story has not been beta-read. But I´ve tried my best and hope that I haven´t made too many mistakes!


End file.
